Sunday, June 8, 2008

An Ending

I really don't even know how to begin a post like this... it was a long weekend so I have split this up.

Stefan had a professional certification exam on Saturday morning, so it was decided that I would drive to Niederbayern with his parents for the wedding so I wouldn't miss any of it. As soon as I saw them under their umbrella I knew something was amiss. Stefan's Mom gave me a hug and told me her mother had passed away early that morning. It was very sudden.

Situations like this are always slightly awkward and difficult, but coupling that with another language and another culture makes it even more complicated. It becomes a struggle just to express myself, and I fear that I come off differently than I would in my native tongue since I have a limited vocabulary and delayed reactions as I take it all in. The car ride was spent with a lot of silence and occasionally mentioning what a shock this was and what a struggle the wedding would be.

Deaths are never easy or welcomed, however since it was also her grandson Andi's wedding the same day we had to mask the grief and celebrate. Oma also lived in the same house as Andi and Steffi until just a couple weeks ago, so it's especially difficult for them to come home to an empty house still filled with her things.

When we arrived to their house, Andi was trying to get ready and calm his nerves. I looked around at her dated decor and possessions, which greatly differs from the apartment Andi and Steffi share upstairs. Her calendar hadn't been changed to June. It really seemed like time had stopped. I thought how sad it was that she wouldn't be back to see it decorated for the wedding. My mother in law pointed out her Oma's hats neatly arranged on her bed and commented how she always was chic. It's sad she never got to wear the dress she bought for this special day.

After making visits to other family members we had to get ready for the big day. Sadly, I had to do so alone since Stefan was finishing his test. I wanted to stop thinking about how hard he would take the news and just hug him, but I had to wait.

My mother in law continually said, 'The day has two halves and we should celebrate for Andi + Steffi', so that's just what we did.

While Stefan's Dad and I were driving alone, I found it sweet that he mentioned he was worried about Steffi's wedding dress if it continued to rain. I still remember him brushing the dirt off of mine. Sometimes I see small glimmers of Stefan and realize that's where he got his chivalrous attitude.

Times like these just make me appreciate enjoy the moment that much more since people are never promised more time.

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