life changes

Apologizes for not writing more frequently or responding to your comments in a more timely manner. I truly appreciate them and it's so nice when people take the time to comment or give my blog an award, but lately I have felt awful that I haven't been able to devote the same energy back. I promise I'm working on it!

I have to say I'm still surprised it's not just my family and friends from home who occasionally read this, which is extremely flattering, if not slightly intimidating.

Lately many people in my world have been facing big life changing struggles. As Stefan's Oma says, "Luck doesn't always fall on one side." Sometimes it means picking up the pieces, changing life plans, or making the most of time with loved ones.

Times like this call for appreciating the little things, which I often have to remind myself. That alone isn't always easy being so far away from home and leading such an unpredictable life, but there's a beauty in knowing that support can come from the most unlikely of sources. It's one of those beautiful moments of life beginning again.

It makes me think of the hermit crabs in the Maldives. Every single day there was so much action on the shore line. Upon closer inspection I would see the tiny crabs fighting to move into a new shell. Even for the little guys life isn't easy, but everyone fights on, gradually getting stronger and more colorful over time.

All of these little battles are tedious and demanding, but they are what make us appreciate the wonderful things of life and the moments that bring us joy. They add color to our lives as well, and shape us into interesting and complex people.

At the end of the day it's important to be thankful - even for the smallest things, and to realize how difficult life can be for everyone from time to time.

Tough Times

Every day at the gym I get my daily dose of CNN. Usually CNN Asia, but the reoccurring theme is the economy. This shouldn't come as much of a surprise, because not a day passes when it's not in the news or even closer to home. Yesterday there was even a story about a city in Japan that discovered they had gold in their sewage treatment center (the name is actually 'Suwa treatment facility') and now they are actually harvesting it. I guess desperate times call for desperate measures.

Today, I saw this free downloadable 'Wise Investments' poster from creative guy PJ Chmiel. I'm not a dooms day type of person, but I have to say there is a bit of truth to his poster. It seems as though people have really gotten accustomed to cushy living, which is insane to think how much the world has changed in a century. Everything is going back to basics, whether people are wanting that or not.

The unfortunate thing is that it's not so simple to revert to a life that most of us never even knew. One where gardening and harvesting were ways of life. One where food didn't come packaged and preserved. One where entertainment was based more around family and connections with people rather than video games and computers.

I know I carry romantic ideals and notions over what having a farm would be like. It's easier to glamorize it than it is to consider, as an American, just how much I appreciate variety. I can't imagine having to grow everything from seed and having to depend on neighbors for help. Here I only know one of my neighbors, and there are quite a few people that live in my building. Granted, I do have a language barrier excuse, but realistically people no longer communicate with each other.

Another issue is competition. I've really never had to want for anything in my life. It's a bit difficult to admit that, but I realize most people that I have grown up around have never really had serious issues of survival either. I know that's not the norm and that I have a slightly shaded view of what is, but it does make me nervous to picture people literally fighting to survive. What's worse is considering the people who have been doing so their entire lives. What was always a struggle has been magnified. When people are worried about losing their homes or their investments, they aren't thinking about donating to charities or helping people in far away lands. Suddenly everything hits closer to home.

I do hear my classmates from Eastern Europe discuss their lacking middle class and it provides a somber reality that there is an ever widening economic gap facing the world and especially America. As the old saying goes, 'Rome didn't fall over night'.

I hope if anything all of these struggles enable people to identify with each other and with the less fortunate more often. People will be forced to be more creative and to reconnect with each other. In theory, people will consider their actions and consequences more. Hopefully they will also consider what kind of world they want to build for their children and posterity.

The world is undoubtedly changing and it definitely doesn't hurt to be prepared. No longer is a good education or a seemingly solid job enough. It's a crucial time to have a support network, which is disheartening when I think about so many of my loved ones being so far away.

I'm trying with all my might to have some faith through all of this - to trust in humanity and the greater good of people.

New Day in America

This morning I headed to my German class with a red cardigan and a blue and white scarf for some understated American spirit. It's incredibly difficult living far away today. Not because I feel some dire urge to be standing on the Washington Mall with few toilets available (according to the news, if 2 million arrive, there is one porto potty for every 400 people). There are also freezing cold temperatures, and a very minimal view of anything other than the back of people's heads for hours on end. It's difficult because I truly miss the camaraderie. I'm certain I would be watching the events on TV, just as I will be today, but it doesn't make up for the American spirit that I dearly miss.

German spirit, and more specifically Bavarian pride, come in very different forms. There is the constant deferral of patriotism for reasons stemming from the dark past. If you spend enough time here you will soon see the pride is still alive and well. Some may even say it has ethnocentric tendencies, especially the foreigners who are constantly being reminded that they even though the law welcomes them, they will more than likely remain oppressed for several generations.

Something I truly love about America, 'the country that always lands on its feet', is that despite being a mix of cultures, nationalities, and races, there are some days and events where people unite. I realize it's not always been that way. Progress does take time, but it's nice to see that it happens.

I also realize not everyone is an Obama supporter, but to me the Americanness is something beyond him or his capabilities. I appreciate that he's a bit of a rabble-rouser and able to inspire so many, because I think Americans can be fairly passive when it comes to politics. It's also possible that it only appears that way considering how much coverage he had and how much money was invested into his campaign, but people definitely look for a positive change.

I'd rather see it as a fire lit from within and hopefully people see that they can make an impact and they are capable of more than they ever thought possible. There's a hope for something different and more freedoms for the people that make the US such a unique and special place.

I'm back in German class and it always shakes me to my core, but not because the grammar is brutal or because every noun has an assigned article. I think I learn more and question more about the social issues and struggles facing people from various cultures, nationalities, and races while I am there. I am constantly analyzing the place of a foreigner in the German world, obviously because that is something I identify with.

That is one aspect that my slightly sheltered American upbringing that I've really been able to come to terms with. Each day while I sit among classmates from places like Iran, Syria, Bulgaria, Australia, Spain, the UK, Kosovo, Brazil, Turkey, Russia, and a multitude of other cultures, I realize how fortunate I am. I am not fighting to survive. Life has been relatively easy and I know that I have two perfectly good homes. There isn't anything I am fleeing.

I realize just how blessed I am due to forces of fate, to feel safe, to have the support of my family, to receive a wonderful education and to have the ability to graduate from a university that focused on service work. It makes me feel very responsible for helping those that aren't afforded the privileges that I have.

Something Germany is severely lacking, is the inclusion of the foreigners. It's a much colder place than what I am familiar with. Here I notice so many politically incorrect things that make me cringe and an overall critical attitude towards each other. I attribute that to the fight to get ahead, or the feeling that they are being taken advantage of due to their liberal social systems. I realize in the US I have a slight bias. My social and economic circle doesn't often cross with people who don't come from similar means, which is one of the reasons I am forever grateful for this experience.

Life here can be so bureaucratic that even volunteering or being compassionate towards others isn't easy, which is difficult. Somedays I feel like I am fighting to belong and yearning for community and connections that are thousands of miles away. Here that is entirely a foreign concept. Since they had such far right leanings during the early part of the 20th century, at times I think they have tried to make amends by opening their borders even if they are resentful. I'm sure they get even more angered by the fact that Germans are not repopulating their country and fewer and fewer people are having children.

So... if you got this far, I'm hopeful that it is a year of change. Not simply for a change in politics, but a change in people realizing how much we can learn from each other and that a little compassion goes a long way.

As said in the Declaration of Independence 233 years ago:

"We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness." 

Autumn

I really can't get enough of the leaves. I was walking into town and noticed how stunning the various shades are. Each year I desperately try to cling to these couple weeks when everything is turning. It is one of my favorite times of the year.

I remember in high school a teacher of mine was talking about the seasons and how they correspond to stages of life and different colors in races of people. It is still pretty amazing for me to think about.

Following that logic I am probably in the early summer of life. I can only hope that the autumn of life for me will be as beautiful as nature portrays it. Until then I have a lot to learn and a lot of adventures ahead of me!

A Map for Saturday

I often feel out of the loop regarding pop culture in the US. Tonight I was pleasantly surprised to see part of the documentary A Map for Saturday, which I had never heard about until seeing it on MTV. The film maker Brook Silva-Braga does an excellent job of relating what life is like on the road. I could identify with parts of his story, such as spending Thanksgiving away and how the people met along the way add to the experience.

Once all of the excitement and travel is over, it becomes difficult to remember what it was like to live in the moment and fully take in what is going on. I can imagine that's only intensified traveling for an entire year and meeting a lot of people all over the world. Travel is a natural high that forces people into situations where they talk to people they normally wouldn't and experience things outside their comfort zone, which keeps things interesting.

I feel so blessed to have someone to love and share those experiences with. I think all people seek to learn about the world, whether it be their town or the world on a larger scale, outside of their comfort zone. For me it's living rather than existing.

I believe people seek to find others that they can relate to, which is probably part of the reason I am drawn to travel and other people in international relationships or that choose to live abroad. We understand each other and the struggles and decisions that are made to remain in a relationship or to survive in a foreign land. We've made active choices to be with our partners and spouses and gone against the grain of what is easy. We've been forced to make conscious choices and endure the time and distance between seeing our loved ones, all the way down to shopping for groceries and not being able to buy familiar foods. All of it is a journey.

Today Stefan left for Munich, which makes me sad. It's crazy for me to think we had spent months apart while we were dating and now one week seems torturous. Another reason I love to travel is because it enables us to have guaranteed uninterrupted time together.

I'd still love to make a round the world journey work, or at least a long term trip. We may have some interesting things up our sleeves. I can't wait to see where we are in a year or two.

Defining moments...

What is my most defining moment and what has it taught me... (the answer is probably obvious).

I would say moving to a foreign country - it's an up and down journey that has taught me a lot about people, cultures, partially another language, and most of all about myself.

I've learned...

- living abroad isn't glamorous. I spend way too much time by myself. I get lonely from time to time.

- it's difficult to fit in being a foreigner. I have gained so much compassion for those that come to the US in search of something better.

- there are kind people and selfish people everywhere. Given the chance, I still believe people are innately good.

-The US fascinates people - they always wonder how we can land on our feet, regardless of the situation. It probably sounds ethnocentric of me, but it's a place of hope for so many.

- it is frustrating to not be understood, but on the flip side, body language and mannerisms tell a lot. Smiles work wonders!

- I will never in my life feel complete, there will always be a piece of me missing... I will always miss my family back home, or Germany if/ when we move.

- it's a blessing to move to a country and not be running from something.

- friends say they will visit, some do, many don't.

- there is no right or wrong way of doing things... sure it's hard to see friends sink roots in and buy homes, when I don't know where I will be living in a couple years. As much as I envy them from time to time, I am blessed to be able to travel right now.

- it's difficult to connect when friends lead such different lives, but all in all, good friends remain good friends with plenty in common.

- I've learned to be content with experiences and not things. It's so easy to buy things in the US because it's really affordable. Here there is no middle range. Obviously I don't buy clothes here. I've learned to save a lot of money.

-I realize that even during my lowest days I am very fortunate for what I have. I'm able to really value the time that I have with people I care about.